Ninja Writings
These are writings done by Ninja, for Ninjas.
A Man Once Asked me some questions on how to get girls. He pointed out all his bad points I guess, I showed him the way!
Yes if you are a ugly ninja or a ugly bitch or a ugly whatever
this will help
you get bitches...I took my fellow ninjas list here and I will show you ways
how to avoid this gayness.
1) BECAUSE I HAVE A HUGE JEW-NOSE.
-If the bitch doesn't like your nose you break hers.
2) BECAUSE I DON'T DRESS LIKE A BITCH. I DRESS COMFORTABLY AKA NEW BALANCE
RUNNING SHOES, JEANS MAYBE WITH HOLES IN THEM, AND A WHITE TSHIRT.
-If she really cares what you sport in public that means she is all about
britaney spears and ricky martin and shit...This is a good thing ninja! Make
sure you get a second date or hang out or whatever. You dress like a bitch boy
because when she sees you all faked out in gay gear she will want to fuck.
This leads to getting puss. IF shes not a total airhead, you will only get
head or something to equal or lesser value. But it was worth it.
3) BECAUSE MY EYES AND CHEEKBONES ARE ASYMMETRICAL AND I LOOK AS BAD AS LYLE
LOVETT.
-Wasn't Lyle Lovett a married to Julia Roberts? I rest my case. But since you
are a ninja you should have your ninja mask on at all times thus meaning they
do not notice your face sucks.
4) BECAUSE I DO NOT LIKE TO SHAVE.
-Well ah a lot of bitches don't like their dudes hairy but if they are
sportin' a funky ass mustache then you have full rights and power to not shave
and be a warefuckingwolf. Or if her bush is very thick just simply say trim
your puss and I'll shave.
5) BECAUSE I DO NOT ACT OVERLY INTERESTED IN THEM. GIRLS REQUIRE TOO MUCH
ATTENTION AND INTEREST AND EFFORT, THEREFORE THEY ARE DUMB BITCHES.
-Exactly, these bitches you don't bother with. Use them for ninja star
throwing practice.
6) SOME GIRLS HAVE GAYDAR AND THEY THINK I AM TOTALLY GAY, BUT I AM NOT. THAT
IS A COMMON MISCONCEPTION THAT I AM QUEER AS A RAINBOW.
-Dude, this is wrong. Because bitches like faggish dudes. Go shopping and shit
then put on the sweet moves and fuck the shit out of her. Make her believe it
was her that turned you straight from being gay.
7) AND FINALLY, BECAUSE I AM A BIG VIRGIN, AND THEY CAN TELL. PEOPLE DO NOT
LIKE BIG VIRGINS LIKE MYSELF. WHEN THEY SEE ME AND OTHER BIG VIRGINS THEY
THINK "WOW, WHAT A DUMB VIRGIN, LETS GET OUT OF HERE!"
-Do what that one ninja Finch did in American Pie. Pay some bitch a few bones
to say you have a very large cock and you know how to use it. Bitches will
come.
I hope this helps or at least makes you laugh for at least 1 second.
NEW FOR 2001!!!! The Screen Name Nin-jitsu Guide!
This is a list me and another ninja made up a few months ago, if you follow this list in your screen names or internet handles you are good to go.
*THE COOL LIST*
by waterparkpirate and zugmastah
-inside jokes that nobody else understands
(like grouchomarx and waterparkpirate)
-anything to do with penis or vagina
-many Sesame Street names
-the following words
.posse
.Ricky martin (yum!)
.death
.mullet
.bloodpet
.asian
.spaniard
.pirate
.psycho
.dynamite
.chaplin
.momdad
.gratuitous
.fat
.ninja
.super
.kevorkian
.dr
.smegma
NOW FOR THE NINJA NO NO's.
Negative Cool Points List
by waterparkpirate
-anything to do with moshing
-curse words
-clothing brands, such as Abercrombie and CK
-your REAL name
-any kind of music or band name, especially combined with...
-anything to do with wrestling
-references to James Bond, like 007
-hot or sexy, etc; you get the idea; anything to do with physical traits
-names describing sex (i.e. guy, boy, girl, grrl, etc)
-any numbers, in the case that somebody already has that name, especially 69
(i.e. bluejoker6)
-stupidly misspelled words, in the case that the name is already taken (i.e.
FREEK)
-instruments (i.e. guitar, trombone, drums, etc)
- name similar to somebody else's in an attempt to make people think you are
that person (i.e. grouchofarts or blowjokersux)
-anything to do with skating
(especially used with an 8, as in sk8erpunk)
-the following words
.unity
.angel
.college
.princess
.kewl
.pixystix
.Jesus
.love
TIGHT NINJA TALES:
THIS NINJA TALE IS ALL ABOUT PURE ANARCHY. YOU THINK IT CANNOT EXISTS BUT IT DID FRIDAY NIGHT FOR A FEW MINUTES AT LEAST. WE HAD THIS PARTY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE WOODS CALLED HOOTINANY: THE FINAL HOE DOWN. WWW.HOOTINANY.COM WELL IT WAS ALL GOOD IT WAS RAINING AND WE HAD A MAN FIRE GOING. THEN THIS DUDE TACK SHOWS UP AND ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE. TACK STARTED THROWING EVERYTHING IN SIGHT INTO THE FIRE MAKING IT MAKE WEIRD NOISES AND GLOW DIFFERENT COLORS. IT WAS SWEET, OF COURSE I WAS SMOKED OUT LIKE WHOA AND SOME NINJAS WERE DRUNK BUT WE GAVE NO FUCKS TILL WE HEARD THE FIRE EXPLODE LIKE GUNFIRE THEN WE ALL DECIDED TO DIP IT WAS INSANITY I HAVE YET TO GO BACK IM GOING TO GO WHEN ITS NOT SO WET. THAT WAS A TIGHT NINJA TALE BITCHYS.
Submitted by Fat Nick.
Email ninjapunker@aol.com to submit your own ninja writing!